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[dy dynamo WANTED $1 Outlaw]

A man buys an old looking brass lamp he finds whilst rummaging through a secondhand shop.

When he gets home he starts cleaning the lamp and genie pops out of the lamp. The genie exclaims that the man can have one wish in return for freeing the genie from the lamp.

The man thinks for a long time and eventually says that he has decided on the wish “I wish there was a bridge from the UK to USA, so I can drive to America”.

The genie pauses and then asks the man are you sure that’s what you want, you wouldn’t rather be rich or famous? It’s only that building a bridge from the UK to the USA is a big ask, think of all the concrete, steel, tarmac etc. not to mention that everyone will notice a bridge magically appearing, is there really nothing else you would rather have?

The man thinks for an even longer time and eventually states, okay if the bridge from the UK to the USA is going to be that much of a problem, I do have one other wish “I wish I understood how women think”.

With no hesitation the genie says “How many lanes do you want on your bridge” ???

[Seyahkram1977 WANTED $697 Outlaw]

Pierre, a French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, Marie leans over to Pierre and says: “Pierre, kiss me”.

So he grabs a bottle of red wine and splashes it on Marie’s lips.

“What are you doing, Pierre?” shrieks Marie.

“Well, my name is Pierre, the French fighter pilot, and when I have red meat I like to have red wine!”

His answer is good enough for Marie and things begin to heat up. So she says: “Pierre,
kiss me lower.”

Our hero rips off her blouse, grabs a bottle of white wine and starts pouring it all over her bosom.

“Pierre, what are you doing” she says.

“My name is Pierre, the French fighter pilot, and when I have white meat I like to have white wine!”

Marie leans over once more and softly whispers into Pierre’s ear…”Pierre, kiss me lower.”

Pierre tears off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and sprinkles it all over her private region. He then grabs a match and lights it on fire.

Marie screams, “PIERRE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!?”

“My name is Pierre, the French fighter pilot, and when I go down, I go down in flames!”

[Ca Canarywedge WANTED $8 Outlaw]

Breaking news,

The Real Madrid manager has been arrested after police found Sophie Ellis Bexter dead in his apartment.

A spokesman for the Spanish police has said there’s murder on Zidane’s floor.

[Winningbird WANTED $574 Outlaw]

Keep them coming ??

[dy dynamo WANTED $1 Outlaw]

An american indian chief is having a problem with constipation, so he calls his best warrior to go to the medicine man for a remedy.

The warrior says to the medicine man “big chief no shit”. The medicine man hands a large bottle filled with glowing orange liquid and says “tell chief to take on sip only”.

The next day the warrior returns to the medicine man and says “big chief still no shit”. The medicine man says “tell chief to take 2 sips only”

The next day the warrior returns to the medicine man and says “big chief still no shit”. The medicine man says “tell chief to take 3 sips only”

The next day the warrior returns to the medicine man and says “big chief super angry, still no shit”. The medicine man says “tell chief to take whole bottle”

The next day the warrior returns to the medicine man and says “big shit no chief”.

 

[eejit101 WANTED $312 Outlaw]

Canarywedge wrote:

Breaking news,

The Real Madrid manager has been arrested after police found Sophie Ellis Bexter dead in his apartment.

A spokesman for the Spanish police has said there’s murder on Zidane’s floor.

Love this

[eejit101 WANTED $312 Outlaw]

A group of very drunk men on a stag party walk into a brothel. They buy a bottle of vodka and start downing more and more shots.

The girls say to the madam “Come on, we cant fuck these guys, Id rather quit”.

The madam says “Go fetch the blowup dolls we sell, they wont know the difference, just stand in the corridor and wait”.

The girls do as she said. After leaving the club the first guy says “Well, that was shit. I think mine had a rough day. She just lied there and didnt say anything or move. Let me finish on her face though”.

The second guy says “I think mine was a witch”.

The first guy replies “Why? What the fuck?”

The second guy responds “Well i bit mine on the ass and she farted in my face and flew out of the window”

[Seyahkram1977 WANTED $697 Outlaw]

eejit101 wrote:

she farted in my face and flew out of the window”

Ha ha ha ….. fucking coffee just flew out my nose and over the lap top ….. didn’t see the punchline coming …….

[eejit101 WANTED $312 Outlaw]

If this isnt my most liked post ever im going to be pissed

Seyahkram1977 wrote:

eejit101 wrote:

she farted in my face and flew out of the window”

Ha ha ha ….. fucking coffee just flew out my nose and over the lap top ….. didn’t see the punchline coming …….

[Seyahkram1977 WANTED $697 Outlaw]

eejit101 wrote:

If this isnt my most liked post ever im going to be pissed

Seyahkram1977 wrote:

eejit101 wrote:

she farted in my face and flew out of the window”

Ha ha ha ….. fucking coffee just flew out my nose and over the lap top ….. didn’t see the punchline coming …….

Go on I gave you two …..

[THEBARON WANTED $51 Outlaw]

Nialld17 wrote:

Anyone have any good jokes? In the mood for a giggle haha

Three buddies decided to take their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas. The week flew by and they all had a great time. After they returned home and the men went back to work, they sat around at break and discussed their vacation. The first guy says “I don’t think I’ll ever do that again! Ever since we got back, my old lady flings her arms & hollers, “7 come 11″ all night & I haven’t had a wink of sleep!” The second guy says “I know what you mean…my old lady played black jack the whole time we were there and she slaps the bed all night and hollers “hit me light or hit me hard”, and I haven’t had a wink of sleep either!” The third guy says “You guys think you have it bad! My old lady played the slots the whole time we were there and I wake up each morning with a sore dick and an a$$ full of quarters.”

[Seyahkram1977 WANTED $697 Outlaw]

Man walks home from a sesh at the poker table , his wife is there fuming

“ where the fuck have you been “

“ sorry dear “ said the man “ I lost you in a game of poker, “

“ how did ya manage that ????” Screeches his wife

“ well it wasn’t easy, I had to fold a royal flush “

[BS BSK1 WANTED $48 Outlaw]

Why did the sperm cross the road ?

 

 

Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

[thunderball6 WANTED $272 Outlaw]

There’s a joke for u

[thunderball6 WANTED $272 Outlaw]

lainey87 wrote:

Haha cheers dude. Debt free off to Spain in a few months laughing at all you lot in debt. Your family must be proud  gambled your life away. Literally. and still doing it

Wow . How exotic .

[Author]

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