Hiya Everyone, hope your all well and staying safe. Its been a while, well over a year now since i posted on here. Have been reading a few posts and watching the videos. Purely for pleasure only however god i have so wanted to GAMBLE its unreal.
As some of you have read my addiction to gambling post a year ago, the shit i got myself into was totally bonkers. The debt, lies, cheating, stealing and ultimatley losing my family was the final straw. Oh i did commit suicide and even fucked that one up! Luckily i have survived and slowly got myself back on track. Even have my youngest son living with me full time. However what i did to myself and others has cost me dearly.
The urge of gambling has been strong recently, even though i am self excluded to all bookies, casinos, online sites even arcades that do self exclusion. I don’t even do the lottery or scratch cards. So where has it all come from? Is it the fact i am locked down and not allowed to do anything? Could it be that i want to see if my urge is strong and play a fruit or a FOBT? Could it just be my mind? I don’t know, is it just my mind playing tricks on me.
Now i think are watching these YouTube videos helping me? I feel i watch them for entertainment purposes only and even after wtaching them i don’t just think fuck me i could win that or shit he has done his balls in. Oh and before you ask, i watch maybe 4-6 videos a week so not a YouTube addict like my son. Maybe someone who reads this could give some advice, maybe i am missing the plot lol.
The other thing i thought of is could it be down to my mental health state. Yes i am classed with severe depression, but have been on meds now for over 2 years. They do keep me sane and keep me happy, but still the dark side wants to creep in. I did speak to my doctor last year about coming off my meds. We tried this over a staggered period but by month 4 i had to go back up as my mood became very low, and even did not want to do anything.
See i did always enjoy a gamble, stayed within my limits, then i fucked it all up. I have always admired people that have great self control of gambling, and the same for the people who have struggled like me and can have the balls to admit it (even if its too late)
Now before i go and totally off topic my son tonight reminded me of a bombshell thats happening on May 20th and it coudl effect you. If you are a smoker like me and enjoy menthol, well its banned forever. Even all the crushball flavours, menthol tips even flavoured papers. So it looks like i am going to be vaping, become a alcoholic or climb the walls. My son thinks i can quit perhaps he is right.
Take care everyone. Thanks for reading.
