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[Ke Kelvin WANTED $31 Outlaw]

Just wanna balance out my other thread so I will post some shit jokes here as title suggests

[Ke Kelvin WANTED $31 Outlaw]

Describe yourself in 3 words …..

 

Lazy

 

[Ke Kelvin WANTED $31 Outlaw]

I went to a new nighlub last week.
They played the twist so I did the twist.
They played jump around so I jumped around.
They played come on Eileen and I was dragged out by the bouncers.

[Ke Kelvin WANTED $31 Outlaw]

I had a phone call from my son’s school today.

Hello, is that Mr Jenkins?

Yes, how can I help you?

Hi, This is little Billy’s music teacher calling

Oh, hi

Yeah, hi. I just wanted to let you know it looks like you have a little Elvis Presley on your hands!

Really? Wow! That’s..

Yeah, we just found him dead on the toilet

[Ke Kelvin WANTED $31 Outlaw]

Jose Mourinho has said he is thinking of returning to Portugal, never to be seen again
He’s currently taking advice from the Mccanns.

[Green2711 WANTED $492 Outlaw]

Just to warn you my humour is pretty dark haha

What does a prostitute and a bowling ball have in common? You pick them up, finger them and then bang them down an alley.

 

[Quazzi WANTED $138 Outlaw]

Whats the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?

 

 

The wheelchair ???

[Ke Kelvin WANTED $31 Outlaw]

Some local yobs stole 20 crates of Red Bull from our local corner shop.

I don’t know how these people sleep at night.

[Ke Kelvin WANTED $31 Outlaw]

I just watched a DVD called Bald and Barely Legal,so there was I sitting…
dick in hand only to realise it was a Bridgestone documentary about minimum fucking tyre tread depths

[Ol Oldmoon WANTED $27 Outlaw]

Rumour had it that Jeremy beadle had a tiny cock.there again on the other hand it could of been massive.

[MajesticEnd WANTED $22 Outlaw]

Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man’s penis is larger than the shaft. The study took two years and cost over 1.2 million pounds.

The study concluded that the reason the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft is to provide the man with more pleasure during sex. After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own study on the same subject. They were convinced that the results of the British study were incorrect.

After three years of research at a cost of in excess of 2 million Euros, the French researchers concluded that the head of a man’s penis is larger than the shaft to provide the woman with more pleasure during sex. When the results of the French study were released, Australia decided to conduct their own study.

The Aussies didn’t really trust British or French studies. So, after nearly three hours of intensive research and a cost of right around 75 dollars (three cases of beer), the Aussie study was complete. They concluded that the reason the head on a man’s penis is larger than the shaft is to prevent your hand from flying off and hitting you in the forehead.

[Ke Kelvin WANTED $31 Outlaw]

I always carry a picture of my wife and children in my wallet.

It reminds me why there’s no fucking money in there

[Ke Kelvin WANTED $31 Outlaw]

My Korean girlfriend has just made me a pie from scratch.

I’m fucking gutted…..I loved that dog.

[Ke Kelvin WANTED $31 Outlaw]

I’ve just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she’s moving during sex.

[WiggyOfStHelens WANTED $96 Outlaw]

that reminds me of Hugh Dennis saying These Korean meatballs, really are the dogs bollocks  🙂

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