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[Pawel_PJ123 WANTED $10 Outlaw]

So, I do not believe in anything like new year’s resolutions and similar shit, until now I always did whatever I set my mind to- now I have decided, that it is time for gambling to be over and I hope that this will not be the first time that I fail.

I have always had this ‘house always wins’ setup in my head which, as we all know, is true- a couple of years back I have started working in a company where I was the ‘2nd in command’, so to speak- travelled the world with my boss and living the dream, high end hotels, restaurants etc. I have quite often seen him play slots in Italy, Germany, Austria, China, little bit of Blackjack here and there, but I have always considered it to be a stupid move and never did it myself- until one time when I was in a pretty rough place in my life and we went to China- Macao cracked me and I gave it a shot- unfortunately, I won quite a lot back then and it has supported my gambling ‘addiction’ over the next couple of years- I started playing online as a evening distraction- it started off as once in a week, ended up being an everyday routine.

I took the time a couple of months ago, to sum up my gambling balance based on the bank statements- that was really hard, cause I had to face the facts and I have expected the balance to be terrible- never played high stakes, always stuck with 0.2eur, 0.5eur, occasionally 1 or 2 eur per spin- it surprised me to find, that I was ‘only’ 3k eur down over the past couple of years, so it did not bother me that much, although it was still painful as I come from a very poor family and it had cost me a lot to get where I am now on my own- I am by no means rich, but i have an apartment, nice car, everything is paid for, you get the situation, so I really have appreciation of money- what makes the situation even more ironic, is that manage businesses for living and am extremely resonable when it comes to every other aspect of life, apart from gambling.

Next day after I checked the balance, I have deposited around 50eur and won about 1500- the day after, another 900 eur from 30, which of course led me to think, that I have almost not lost at all and that it was just entertainment 😀 I think most of you know this feeling. After that I have had a major losing spree (for my stakes) and have lost more than 1k in 3 days.

I always do what I can for charity within my means, not really official but I know a lot of poor people in my town back home (I come from Poland, but live in Germany now)- every christmas I visit my home town and buy groceries for the poor families, some food for the cats and dogs in the shelters, then when the car is full I just drive around and give all this out- this year I have also participated in an initiative where people could put together a christmas gift for children in orphanages, the kids would write a letter to santa and then whoever was willing to help out could pick it up and make the dream come true- kid’s supervisors where watching out for the kid’s wishes not to be too expensive, so at the end it came down to about 30eur/kid.

The reason I am telling you this is, that this year I have spent around 1200 eur to make the christmas better for more than 10 families and put together gifts for many kids, what made their christmas eve special- the amount of smiles and tears I have received in return and amount of fun i had putting it all together really made it worth it, and what was it? Only a little bit more than I have lost in casinos over 3 days.

Therefore I have decided to quit gambling and put the deposits away to a separate account everyday- what will I do with it? Don’t know yet. Maybe I’ll give it all out for others, maybe I will keep a part of it and buy myself something I would not buy otherwise, who knows. The point is, to motivate all of you to check your gambling balance to see, if maybe there is something else you want to invest your money into- does not have to be charity, can be a new ipad, but only as long as it does not push you into chasing losses and losing everything you have- I suppose I would do that eventually, if I would not force myself to overcome my fears and check the balance.

Hope this story was not too long for you 😀 I wish you all a really good new year, a year of feeling that you have a grip and absolute control and all the decisions you make, are being made based on facts and not illusions- happy new year!

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