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[Haz40 WANTED $1,166 Outlaw]

I’d like some advice please. Everybody knows i gamble. After all I’m on a gambling forum. I’m a million times better than i used to be and still have occasional blowouts but my problem at the minute isn’t me. The problem is the missus. She’s worse than ever and seriously i just don’t know what to do. Fortunately i pay all the bills and direct debits and she works part time. She doesn’t earn much so i just say what you have do what you want with your money. Problem is she blows every penny. It’s the communities in the arcades. Last night we left there at midnight. I didn’t even want to go. I hate the place. Shes on gamstop but that has made fuck all difference. If were in town at the weekend i get ” lets nip in here ” and five hours later were leaving. I don’t know what to do she’s worse than me. I wont give her and money if she loses and she gets mardy as arse. Everytime on the way home i get ” we need to stop going in there ” it’s the same everytime. She wont self exclude as if she did she would go play them in the bingo hall. You don’t want to know how much was lost last night between us. She’d kill me if she knew i put this on here but I’m at a wits end. Any advice please. I haven’t read a post about a partners gambling on here. She never even played a slot till she met me. What can i do.

[mattywest11 WANTED $30 Outlaw]

My best friend got me into gambling by taking me to the casino on my 18th birthday. He gambled regularly but I got a lot worse than he did. He felt guilty about it as he felt it was him who started this, I didn’t blame him at all, I was happy to take responsibility for my own actions but he felt so bad he did anything to try and get me to stop. I tried to stop playing but hearing about his big wins on the horses or in the casino made it virtually impossible. We sat down and spoke about it and decided we would do it together, we both signed up to gamstop over a year ago now, he’s stayed completely off it and I’ve only collapsed for one 5 day period when I removed gamstop for Cheltenham. Other than that I’m 64 days dry.

we knew that we would try and go to bookies/ bingo halls/ arcades etc so we banned ourselves from them too, all bookies within a 20 mile radius just to remove any temptation that may still be there.

it may have been a bit excessive but we knew we had to do it as it was the only way that we could both stop. I now get my missus who has no interest in gambling to stick an acca on for me on the football on Saturdays, although with no games this will stop too and feel so much more free.

i don’t think I’ve beaten it, but I’ve definitely come a long way and I feel so much better for it!

the point I’m trying to make is the importance of working together. Speak to her about excluding from the bingo hall and arcade, if it’s the only way you can keep your money safe then it’s the only move to make. After all, your health and financial state are what need to be considered here, it’s hard going cold turkey don’t get me wrong, I have the same urges to play at times, but I simply can’t, and when that urge dies down again I’m so grateful the exclusions keeping me away.

work together, she’s your partner and together you’re a team, be open and honest. I used to have a routine with my friend that we would send each other a screenshot of our online banking to show we hadn’t let the other down.

Its a sacrifice, but if you’re at your wits end and you don’t know what else you can do, it could be the saviour for you both

hope it all works out for you mate

[PsychicSnail WANTED $111 Outlaw]

Just some random thoughts from a non addict.

1) What would work for you. You are an addict so maybe the same approach would work with her.

2) She needs to accept that this is a problem. Until then she won’t change her behaviour. So the usual non-confrontational, non blaming discussion needs to happen. It could easily descend into drama so you have to be careful.

3) Set and agree a budget between you that she can blow on gambling. Maybe get her to put some of her cash into savings that she can’t get back easily.

4) Make sure she has no access to other funds, else you will find your own accounts raided.

5) Start paying her more attention. Rekindling the romance in a relationship will bring you both closer and allow her to “buy-in” to your concerns. It may also lessen the need for the highs gambling gives – we are all trying to fill a void after all.

Ultimately she needs to confront and accept her addiction. Without her accepting she has a problem nothing will change. If she’s on Gamstop she must already be aware, but being aware of it and actually staring the fact in the face is different.

[Geordiemark42 WANTED $67 Outlaw]

Haz I was addicted to the arcade bandits as a teen and got a good job and spent most in there. Until one day I spent my £250 weekly wage in one visit and that was my board etc all gone. I had to admit I had a problem, so does yr wife or its pointless. I then gave myself £5 a day for bandits. Never went in them with more than £5 and forced myself to go every day. I left in profit more times than I lost. But the fact I made myself go every day. I got board of it. And rarely went in them. An odd time I would pop in to spend a few quid but would spent all I had on me, so I stay clear.if I did that now I would be homeless and carless.

[Haz40 WANTED $1,166 Outlaw]

Thanks guys. Thing is for me I’m not even bothered about going in them. I’m self excluded from bingo and I’m going to do the same in the arcade. I rarely go in on my own and it doesn’t bother me if i don’t. Yes i could say no and i don’t have to put my own money in i know that but i know i can happily go into to town on my own and not go in. I know if i barr myself i can’t be dragged in so that’s the first thing I’m going to do. After that i don’t know.

[sp springbrucesteen WANTED $77 Outlaw]

All about talking to each other and breaking the habits , me n the wife split up because we were totally in the shit money wise , two good paying jobs and constantly overdrawn to the overdraft limit , no money fucks relationships , I gamble but only what I’m prepared to loss and it’s still difficult to not have a blow out now n again and wake up next morning thinking oh for fuck sake.you need to have a good talk and not end up splitting up etc as it’s shit

[Haz40 WANTED $1,166 Outlaw]

springbrucesteen wrote:

All about talking to each other and breaking the habits , me n the wife split up because we were totally in the shit money wise , two good paying jobs and constantly overdrawn to the overdraft limit , no money fucks relationships , I gamble but only what I’m prepared to loss and it’s still difficult to not have a blow out now n again and wake up next morning thinking oh for fuck sake.you need to have a good talk and not end up splitting up etc as it’s shit

That pretty much sums it up. I do have a decent paid job and i know my own gambling is sometimes over the top but I’m nothing like i used to be. Your spot on though we are both in debt but come the end of the week there is still enough to enjoy the weekend but not enough to go blow hundreds. All the bills are always paid but been self employed I’m constantly worried. I work hard but it wouldn’t take much to put me in the shit.

[bigbucks1983 WANTED $46 Outlaw]

Good morning bud, i hope you are ok. Its a horrible situation your in tbh and worse when its your mrs. Ive been in similar situations with my best mate and my brother. Personally i think you need to do three things

1. talk to her, wont be a fun convo but you don’t sound too happy as it is. But you need to explain how you feel and try and get her to see what you’re seeing. Sounds like the gambling bug has got her at the monent and she isnt seeing the wood for the trees.

2. Bar yourself from all places she could drag you. If youre not bothered by them then it wont matter but it will really remove the we need not go to just be on her. Hopefully it will also deter her a bit when youre out together, if she must pop in then take her cards and only give her a bit of money.

3. Get her off those fooking communities. They are horrible creations that can rinse a grand for a 200 payout.

Im sure others will give better advice but keep your chin up bud and if you do anything, make sure you talk to her and be honest.

All the best.

 

[Geezawin WANTED $270 Outlaw]

Sorry to hear this haz  . u shouldnt blame yourself for introducing your wife to gambling i dont think that will help going forward and trying to find a solution . try and be strong mate . Dont let her beat you up about that (if she is ) we all know it can be easy just to blame others and not be accountable for our own actions

As an ex addict . you know yourself what the mrs is going thru and that exclusion is the only way

.What about your daughter dont know her age but if she is old enough to understand maybe she could help along with other family or friends maybe

What about a holliday or something she has always dreamed of as a target to help take her mind of gambling .

anyway haz if anyone can sort it im sure you can.  sure it will all be fine take care bud

 

[Haz40 WANTED $1,166 Outlaw]

Geezawin wrote:

Sorry to hear this haz  . u shouldnt blame yourself for introducing your wife to gambling i dont think that will help going forward and trying to find a solution . try and be strong mate . Dont let her beat you up about that (if she is ) we all know it can be easy just to blame others and not be accountable for our own actions

As an ex addict . you know yourself what the mrs is going thru and that exclusion is the only way

.What about your daughter dont know her age but if she is old enough to understand maybe she could help along with other family or friends maybe

What about a holliday or something she has always dreamed of as a target to help take her mind of gambling .

anyway haz if anyone can sort it im sure you can.  sure it will all be fine take care bud

 

Cheers mate. My stepdaughter is 27 and lives about 80 miles away. She knows but doesn’t know to what length the problem is. I don’t get stick off the missus cos she knows i won’t give her money to gamble with if she loses. She’s got that into her head now. Her only dream is making sure her daughter his happy. She even said this morning ” is it wrong I’m thinking of going back today ” i just shook my head at her. It’s a bit of nightmare tbh. I’ll sort it. I’ve accomplished bigger things in my life.

[Malkychamp WANTED $485 Outlaw]

Only useful suggestion i could give would be to just not go in with her try and spin it for your own selfish reasons. That may sound bad but am guessing she knows you are not long off the gamban thing just try explain this isnt good for you to be jumping right back into it again. May be easier for her to stop aswel knowing that you are trying to aswell. May be a better angle to go at it rather than stepping the foot down telling her she cant go anymore. As a single male i would say stop being so soft and paying all the bills but that may be why am single haha

[Haz40 WANTED $1,166 Outlaw]

Malkychamp wrote:

Only useful suggestion i could give would be to just not go in with her try and spin it for your own selfish reasons. That may sound bad but am guessing she knows you are not long off the gamban thing just try explain this isnt good for you to be jumping right back into it again. May be easier for her to stop aswel knowing that you are trying to aswell. May be a better angle to go at it rather than stepping the foot down telling her she cant go anymore. As a single male i would say stop being so soft and paying all the bills but that may be why am single haha

I’m back on gamstop for a year this time. Fortunately i did this after a win and not a loss. She does know this. I earn at least 4 times what she does so i have no problem sorting the bills out. I probably go in with her about a third of the time. The rest i either refuse to go or I’m at work. As for telling her not to go you haven’t met her lol. She doesn’t listen to me. ?

[Anonymous WANTED $483 Inactive]

Sorry to hear its got a bit outa control with the Mrs Haz.

My best advice would be for you both going to GA once a week mate. And get into the habit of setting money aside in a savings account together. Set goals for holidays n shit.

GA really did help me mate. I do reccomend you both give it a bash….and keep going.

Much love. Shit happens….youll get through it mate x ?

[Malkychamp WANTED $485 Outlaw]

Yeah ano they never listen and always know best ?

With no consequences to blasting all her money away though no need to stop really. I dont have the answers my advice would be stomp that foot down ?

[Haz40 WANTED $1,166 Outlaw]

Just Basics wrote:

Sorry to hear its got a bit outa control with the Mrs Haz.

My best advice would be for you both going to GA once a week mate. And get into the habit of setting money aside in a savings account together. Set goals for holidays n shit.

GA really did help me mate. I do reccomend you both give it a bash….and keep going.

Much love. Shit happens….youll get through it mate x

Thanks mate. Thing is I’m fine on my own long as I’m not online. Bit stupid yesterday though. That’s my mates pokerstars account and there is a $100 daily limit. As for the arcade it’s very rare i go on my own. It’s like now just come out tibshelf services on m1 change in bandit £50 up. I can do that and walk away. She can’t. She’s got a good heart and has registered and posted on here but not for ages that’s why only said now. Quite funny actually cos I’m sure bandit thought she was a bloke ha ha.?

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