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[giannix WANTED $10 Outlaw]

Hello everyone

I’ve been here since the beginning but never got involved in the discussions and wasn’t an active member at all of this community even if I was regularly watching the Bandit’s videos, mostly on the YouTube channel. A reason for that could be the fact that English is not my mother language and often I miss or miss understand the point of a discussion (not to mention the grammar, lol). Now I’m at work, I’m bored /depressed /lost so what better remedy than writing 🙂 This is just a story with no other point than exhaling a bit of the toxic feelings chewing me from the inside out…

I’m not very young anymore and I think I always had a “Lil devil” inside that pushed me to taste almost all kinds of gambling. My disadvantage was that I’m ( most of the time) a lucky person… So that,ironically, drived me to misery… Of course that with the good luck I was blessed with greed also so almost every time I had a nice win I did all I could to turn it into dust. No, I never get to win 100k but I had (especially during the last few years) some nice, decent wins… I think the first big hit (for my incomes level ofc) was a first place in a 11$ entry poker tournament (online) on the old Fulltilt poker site… Was around 3,5k $ that was kinda lot of money back then. After that I had many but smaller wins at the roulette (I was playing on a real casino, not online), then a couple of years ago I had a nice 7k hit on a Jack and the beanstalk (online) when I was at the point to withdraw 700€ that it gave me on 2€ bet… I remember I had like 730€ and I said to myself to just try 3 spins on 10€ bet and then withdraw. I got (extremely) lucky and the bonus came in those last 3 spins. Yeah, it was only 700 x but those were 7k € still. I remember I was extremely happy, I shared that with all my (few) friends, I shared it on the gambling sites chats where I was spending lot of my free time… Shortly, I was incredibly happy…. Although at that time my debts weren’t that high, it tooked me like two or three days to lose back almost everything. Sadly I didn’t have a gun to shoot myself :/ Some times after that, with the debts growing up constantly, I reached in one session the all time top win of my actual gambling history… After a long (online) casino night my casino account was at 12k €,after few lucky hits on slots and some roulette. Of course I made a withdraw, I’m a responsable, intelligent, adult person. I withdraw the last 2k remaining after losing 10k in just a couple of hours, only because my wife started to cry watching me losing my minds (she’s an incredible nice person, btw)… Yeah, I withdraw 2k from a 100 € deposit so you’d say I was still in profit (for that day only, ofc).. That was true at that moment and a bitter sweet memories couple of days after… Most of the withdraw went back in the casino’s vault, ofc… Good job mate!! Again :/

Getting closer to the present day, I had some few decent withdraws in November (some 1000s and a 6k one) and then some even bigger loses in December… So here I am, at the very beginning of 2020, broke and lost. It’s the first time I can’t pay my bills /debts (I do work, yes), having no idea what to do and how to get out of this shite…

Excluding myself from the casinos? Ofc I thought about it but what then? My 1000€ salary can’t cover the monthly debts already :/ I’m in such a fkin mess that the only way out that I can see is (guess what!) a good hit at the casino. Banning myself is, in this moment, kinda useless cause I won’t be able to play soon cause I’m Really broke with no other alternative incomes hope.

So, looking back in time, I’d say my biggest curse was the good luck… But I cannot stop thinking that a better, realistic, calculated management of my good luck, the greed control would have been maybe the way to go for some more rewarding results. But well, it’s past already and (sadly?) I cannot change it. Did I learned anything from my mistakes? (like many people use to say :learn from it and get over it). My answer is : no, I haven’t. When I’m winning I just enter in a state of… blackout or kinda… I can’t stop myself until I lose all that I won (and more, if possible). Yes, I could throw in the excuse of the debts forcing me to go for a really big win and ofc it sounds pathetic and extremely stupid to you… But you know what? I can’t even discard that argument cause I know it’s true. The main issue for many of us (I know I’m not the only one, neither the first or the last) going through a similar situation is simple : once you win once a few (shítty job) salaries in few hours nobody ever will be able to convince you that the hard work is the way to success. So since that moment you’re lost, you’re chasing your illusion (or mental illness?) till you catch it or you die trying.

I didn’t catch it

Cheers and sorry if I said anything wrong (I’m not in a mood to read again and correct). As I supposed when I started to write this, I feel a bit better now, releef is real although it won’t help me in any way… It hurts me and in the same time it calm me down a bit… Seeing the bright side of life : it’s 2am,I’m still at work, 7 hours till the shift ends. 24 days more till payday. What’s the point? :/

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