@WestVirginiaUSA. Thank you for taking the time to appraise yourself of the nuances of the Queen’s English. As we Brit’s invented it we do rather own the copyright, and do on occasion like to exercise a little poetic license when addressing certain delicate matters. You may find the following list of help when talking to a proper English speaker over here in the free world.
1. The Old Man – often a phrase used when consulting a female practitioner, or on the very rare occasions, you need to discuss such personal issues with the wife or family.
2. The One Eyed Trouser Snake – only used when out on the piss or trying to impress your girlfriend.
3. Beaver Basher – Never to be used in female company. A guarantee you won’t be getting any oats tonight.
4. The Bishop – Originally used by younger members of the Roman Catholic clergy getting too much attention from their boss. Now occasionally used down the pub, but only by those drinking wine.
5. King Cobra – To use this you have to be very confident of your holdings, else you may be found out in the gents.
There are probably a couple of hundred other colloquialisms available. Try to slowly integrate the above into your ever-day vocabulary and come back for more when you feel more confident in their usage.
Related synonyms would be Jap’s Eye (used by the Bandit in an old vid) and Banjo String as in “My God that girl was so tight I almost bust my Banjo String.” It’s a painful experience and I have known it to happen.
The very best of luck in mastering English.
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